No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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