I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
are you so shy because you have an std?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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