M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
