i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
bring money and cleavage
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
