I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
