just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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