Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
