I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
