so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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