I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You just made me feel so damn special
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
