Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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