Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
