I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
