I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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