the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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