does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
