I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
