we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
