Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we're making bets on your personal life
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Im part way to drunk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
