Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
