suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
