my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
