i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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