She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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