Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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