don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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