But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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