Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
