He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
