One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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