Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
