On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
