"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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