Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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