He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
