Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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