fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
