you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
