Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
