Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
my poor anus
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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