peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
