Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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