i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
