You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
