She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
