whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
