you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My pussy is not your playground.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
