i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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