so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
