she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you never un-have a 4some
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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