I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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