girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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