I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
