me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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